ON EGO...
I've recently become more aware of the human ego vs. the human spirit. This sudden reflection has stemmed from reading the book titled, "A New Earth" by Eckart Tolle, and I highly recommend it.
I now realize that our egos' and our spirits are two separate entities. We are not our thoughts. We are not our emotions. We are not our vehicles or our houses. We are not our class, status, knowledge, religion, or our college degree - or lack thereof - things that contribute to our ego and give us a false sense of who we are as human 'beings.'
We are the awareness of our ego. We are the awareness of what feeds our ego. We are the awareness of our 'being'...and we are that presence. We are that spirit. Our 'beings,' as in human beings (or being human)...who we really are in spirit, is undefined. We 'are'. We just 'are.' Nothing more, nothing less. The realm of our existence goes way beyond the comprehension of any human mind, but the inner dialogue of our egos' makes us think we are much more important and entitled than we are. It limits and divides us.
It limits us from letting our true purpose shine through. It's through our ego that we react vs. respond. It's the "I'm better than you, I'm smarter than you, I've achieved more than you, and so help me God, if my ego discovers otherwise it will feel immensely threatened; therefore, I will have to somehow prove to my ego that I am more; that I have more" attitude that begins the cycle of entitlement. This is where superiority vs. inferiority begins. When you are feeling neither superior or inferior, you have stepped outside of your ego. When you are feeling one or the other, it is your ego feeling that sense, not you.
The willingness to simply acknowedge your ego is all it takes. Create space between 'you' and 'your ego.' It doesn't need to be a large space - an arm's length distance even - but take a good long look. Be still. Closely watch and listen to the clever ego that is trying to be you. Acknowledge and take note when your ego is gossipping, controling, manipulating, or complaining through you. The more you acknowledge this, the more your ego will dissolve.
It doesn't take much to be conscious and to bring awareness into your life. This is all it takes to 'be.' You will then begin to live your true purpose. But you have to make peace with what already 'is' and by simply acknowledging what 'is' brings you closer to making that peace.
You might not ever want to recognize your ego as an actual 'ego' - I didn't.
I looked at writing my memoir as a way to gain clarity. I felt I had no other option than to verbally vomit my experiences into the world to catch and release that clarity. By writing with candor, I had to say 'see ya' to my ego. I needed to disconnect and humble myself in the midst of self-revelation, and there was nowhere to hide, and to me that felt good. Just knowing that I had the option to acknowledge, ignore, or feed my ego felt good, and it still does. It still comes around, but I'll always have that option; that awareness. But I had to see it first and admit that I had one. Ego is a contaminating growth that we all have, that we all show, but that few of us see.
Trying to say good-bye to an ego isn't easy. Egos' are dysfunctional and destructive, but they don't want to leave you. Your ego will rise again when you become less aware (and that time WILL come), but the more you simply acknowledge and accept it, the more it will begin to dissolve and you can start living through your true 'being' vs. living through your perceived sense of self (your ego).
You'll know it when it happens - even if it's only for a fleeting moment. It is an inner stillness that separates your 'being' from your thoughts, emotions, roles, regrets, worries, home, car, career, church, etc. And then you will just 'be.' It will feel calming. You may even take a deep breath without realizing it and your body will automatically relax. You will want to keep feeling that way, but your thoughts, emotions, roles, etc. will come back and take you out of the present. But you always have the present to come back to. You can always come back to just 'being.' It is your choice, but you must be aware in order to feel it. And then you can start living it. The more you are aware, the more you will 'be.' It takes practice for it to become habitual, but in my opinion, it's well worth it.
"Life is the dancer, and you are the dance." ~Eckart Tolle