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I contemplated not including this page on my website, but have chosen to do so only because there are certain questions that I've been asked that I feel are important, and so it made sense for me to clarify a few things.

 

I'll start by saying, 'WOW.'

 

It has been quite the journey so far to say the least. There have been many pleasant as well as un-pleasant, unexpected surprises. I'm just grateful that I was prepared. Prepared for the unknown. I must credit Judith Barrington, author of "Writing the Memoir, From Truth to Art" for giving me the head's up.

 

 

The definition of a memoir is: a report or record of important events based on the writer's personal observation or knowledge.

 

 

The answer is no. Absolutely not. If I wrote to please everyone whose lives have intertwined with mine, this memoir wouldn't exist. And if it did, it would certainly be candy-coated; therefore the word 'candid' would have to be taken out of the subtitle.

 

It would be: "A candy-coated memoir about surviving humiliation with grace." 

 

Many of the people I wrote about simply do not have names. Almost everyone's name has been changed, or else they're just nameless, faceless entities. I can't help it if someone recognizes themselves by their own actions. I felt I was being considerate even to those who have challenged (or exhausted) my threshold by not including their real name - or by simply not giving them a name at all.

 

 

There is such a thing as libel (defamation of character). Libel is when something is untrue. Libel is when the untrue statement affects someone's livelihood. Everything I've written is true and can be proven as such.

 

If at some point in my life I went out of my way to mistreat someone, and that someone decided to feature me in a chapter of their memoir; I'd only hope for the consideration of a name change or better yet - not be given a name at all.

 

Again, I can't help it if someone recognizes themselves based on their own behavior.

 

There have been reviews written by a few who've recognized themselves based on their own actions (check out www.barnesandnoble.com), and have said my memoir is one sided. My response to this is, "How would they know if it's one sided if they personally didn't have a side of their own to tell?"

 

There are two - sometimes dozens of sides to every story.

 

As the author of a memoir, how in the world are you supposed to write everyone's side? You can't. It would be one long book if you were to go and collect everyone's perception of events that have occured in your life and then write them all in your memoir.

 

I didn't have that kind of time, so I kept it one sided. 

 

This memoir is one sided. I can't debate that. It has my personal recollections. My side of things. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions; and not everyone will relate to these situations. But my response to anyone disputing 'my side of the story' is to perhaps consider writing their own memoir. 

 

 

No. I'm not worried about it at all. She is now nine-years-old and has been dragged through four ugly custody disputes and I've never defended my honor to her no matter what her mother has said. If she chooses to read this as an adult someday, that is her choice.

 

Her opinion of my perception on things is completely out of my control. And I feel good about the fact that my honor is defended only on paper vs. verbally burdening her young mind with catty bullshit on a regular basis - not giving her a choice but to hear about it. It's her choice as to whether or not she wants to read it as an adult. 

 

 

Maybe I'm just not that nice of a person, but I'm not going to 'tip-toe' around the feelings of those who've broken into my house, stole my belongings, killed people's pets, sexually harrassed me in the work place, falsley accused my husband and me of child abuse, spread rumors that I slit my wrists with razor blades, etc. I could go on and on. I guess I'm just not that nice.

 

So, no. The euphemisms I've assigned certain people are not even remotely close to taunting someone in school or gossiping or spreading rumors. Once again, if someone recognizes themselves by their own actions, so be it.

 

As far as retribution goes...if I wanted retribution I'd have included first AND last names, and to be honest, in some cases, I wish I would have. And in other cases, had I wanted retribution, I'd have sought it in law suits way back before this book was even published - and once again, in some instances, I wish I would have.

 

This wasn't written to win a popularity contest. This wasn't written to portray myself as a perfectly poised person who's never messed up. It's me. It's my life. The good. The bad. The ugly. It is not "Chicken Soup for the Soul" nor was it ever intended to be.

 

This book was candidly written to humanize those who may have experienced similar situations.

Had I known in advance the grief I'd endure as a result of writing with candor, I'd do it the same all over again - only I wouldn't be quite as considerate.

 

 

No. Only because I've learned so much from my experiences that it makes it all worthwhile if someone else can obtain a little insight as well. I feel as though I did what I set out to do when someone tells me (or writes to me) saying they could relate. Or better yet, that I inspired them to write. Like my friend, Rita, who attended my very first signing (which is how I met her). She didn't just relate to my situations and outlooks, but she said it inspired her to pick up her pen and start writing songs again. There's nothing that makes me happier than hearing that. It makes any other dose of memoir grief worthwhile. Not only that, I gained an excellent friend out of the deal. Who could ask for more? 

 

 

I've thought about it and have decided not to. I've rated my book "R" due to some swearing, but I've been listening to some of the music that is on the radio and have been watching regular cable t.v. - compared to the radio and cable t.v. my book is PG-13. 

 

Maybe even PG.

 

My twelve-year-old niece read the book and said she feels grateful to have gained the insight that she did, as she had her own dealings with 'ferals' when she was just eleven-years-old. If a twelve or thirteen-year-old is dealing with 'ferals,' chances are, they've heard worse. Besides, the book contains absolutely no sexual content, so most teenagers probably wouldn't want to read it anyway. Maybe they'd find it terribly boring. KIDDING!! (sort of). But the greatest part about my niece, Courtney, reading it, is that it has inspired her to write a memoir about her experiences in grade school with ferals. I'm so proud of her!

 

 

Not that I've noticed - and if they did I'd secretly think to myself that they're ignorant. I'm not ashamed, in fact I'm proud of it. I don't see it as a learning 'disorder.' I don't see it as 'disabling' at all. I credit a majority of my success in life to having ADHD - which is nothing more than a stupid label.

 

I've been able to channel my challenges positively. Medicated or not. The positives outweigh the negatives by a long shot. So what if I do things backwards from time to time or like to daydream more than the average person? So what if I am over-energized from time to time? I like being hyperactive.

 

I hope that I shed a different light on ADHD and that it will bring others to embrace a stigmatized weakness and channel it into something positive within themselves.

 

 

To anyone confused by the word 'grace' in the subtitle...not all situations were survived

gracefully. I wrote truthfully about how I got through the situations. I wrote exactly about what went through my mind, both during and after specific events. It took reflective meandering to reach 'grace.' At the end of the chapters is where the grace prevails (well - in most cases).

 

 

Just because you bury a hatchet doesn't mean the hatchet is gone. The hatchet still exists, it's just that it's no longer in use. I learned from many old hatchets. They haven't been 'dug up' so to speak - I'm simply just sharing my outlooks on how the hatchets were created and used - and then how they ended up getting buried in the ground later on.

 

 

No. If they're angry they don't show it. I trust that they realize the importance of the example I was trying to make in regard to treating the other parent with respect in the presence of their child in a divorce situation - whether the child is three, five, seven, ten, or thirty. Don't cast unwarranted anxiety onto a child just because you're too selfish to set aside your own pain, anger, and frustration. Besides, I said I was grateful for the crap I had to (have to) go through as the oldest having to bear the brunt of it because it taught me what NOT to do within my own divorce. I don't want my daughters' to endure what I did (do) EVER. And believe it or not, I think it's gotten better.  

 

My best friend said to me the other day that we should all live life as though we might be written about someday. Touche,' Jackie!!.

 

Until later...

 

Due to daily trash postings, the comment section has been shut down.

 

 

A couple of comments were retained. 

 

#3- Hoolleads Hoolleads http://giochicarte727.aceblog.fr marry33-AT-ua-d 0 t-fm

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